DISQUS

bethany · 9 months ago

right on.

Lisa · 9 months ago

100% agree!! As someone who's been the brunt of unwanted sexual attention and sexual harassment, I can agree emphatically it doesn't matter how you dress. Modesty is good but it is NOT protection against aggressive male attention and to lay the blame for that on women is sexist and misguided. While I believe women should dress modestly out of respect for themselves and God, I recall that Jesus pointed to men saying"if you look on a woman with lust in your heart" without adding "unless she's wearing something that calls for it."

arshield · 9 months ago

I did a survey of college students at my (Christian) college and another local state school and another similar sized secular private school. My Christian college had higher rates of belief in Rape Myths (a provocatively dressed girl was just asking to be raped, was one of them.) Not only did people at my school believe rape myths more than the state school or secular private school but they were more likely to believe them the longer they had been at the school. Now this was a project that I did as a junior in college so it probably has very limited validity and all, but it would seem to suggest to me that Christians have an improper view of the body, rape, and sexuality.

bm186 · 9 months ago

Obviously written by a woman... : )
When women dress modestly they are protecting men, not themselves. It is a demonstration of Christian love, I believe, for a woman to be careful how she presents herself. Men are visual creatures, plain and simple. I don't think women can ever fully appreciate the depth of that statement. We have a hard time dealing with lust, and it makes it very difficult when women are barely covered. Would it be right to have a beer or a glass of wine in the presence of a recovering alcoholic? I'm not suggesting women go around wearing burkas or anything like that, only that they be aware of their effects on us.

SiarlysJenkins · 9 months ago

As a male since about three months after conception, definitely since birth, and plan to stay that way until I die, bm186 speaks for himself, not for all us males. Males, like females, come in thousands of different combinations of lust, morality, self-control, hedonism, empathy, egotism, and self-gratification. I cannot recall a single time that looking at a woman, whatever her state of undress, made it difficult for me to refrain from rape, or even third degree sexual assault. I can keep my hormonal responses to myself, unless I am looking at someone who would really like to share them. People who have spent decades studying the original Hebrew of Genesis (I don't know the language) tell me that humans have animal instincts, and a nefesh chayyim (living soul) which is intended to be in full control at all times. It's not of course, that is why morality can be such a struggle, but the job of any Christian man or woman is to keep the animal instincts under control, not to eliminate them, but to control them for the purposes that creatures made in the image of God are intended to seek. Start by recognizing that women are Biblically assigned to very important roles besides making their husbands feel good and bearing children: the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 28 has independent discretion to spend family finances, is expected to be knowledgeable at buying and selling real estate -- and her husband doesn't hang around panting and petting her, he waits in the gate with the elders. While she is supporting the family, he is taking compliments for what a good provider she is.

llawhsoj · 9 months ago

Obviously written by a man... :)

Why does the need for action in this matter for action fall on women? Why should it be their duty to protect us from ourselves? Furthermore, who said that I need to be protected?

Am I a visual person? Sure., do I have testosterone pumping through me that heightens my sex drive, yes, does that mean that my situation and actions needs to be 'protected' or controlled by someone else? No. I think the idea that men (at least those who do not have mental illness and such) cannot control themselves and are not culpable for their actions is ridiculous. I tend to find statements that we men are visual, more have more active sex drives, and the like excuses for a lack of self discipline and control.

MKR · 9 months ago

Would it be right to have a beer or a glass of wine in the presence of a recovering alcoholic?

Would it be wrong?? If a recovering alcoholic places him/herself in a situation such as a wedding reception or a restaurant that serves liquor, should I deny myself a glass of wine? ?? I would never serve alcohol to a recovering addict, but at what point does my responsibility for others end and responsibility for themselves begin???? BTW, I do not drink, having grown up in an alcoholic family system.

The lack of personal responsibility is one of the hallmarks of our generation.. sadly.

SiarlysJenkins · 9 months ago

Come to think of it, I once knew a recovering alcoholic who loved to SERVE alcohol to others (non-alcoholics), a way to vicariously enjoy his knowledge of fine wines and good quality hard liquors, without partaking of something he knew his system could not handle. Its not the only way to deal with alcoholism, but it is one way. Many alcoholics keep an unopened bottle in plain sight as a test and a reminder.

Doug · 9 months ago

I don't know if you are familiar with the Modesty Survey over at the Rebelution, but here's a link: http://www.therebelution.com/modestysurvey/browse

I agree that too much emphasis can be placed on a woman's responsibility in this matter, but that doesn't mean that Christian women ought to give themselves too much license to provide men with more stumbling blocks than necessary.

A creep is a creep. A Christian man with Christian convictions (which is what most Christian women want in a man) will appreciate a respectful level of modesty in any woman they seek to pursue.

John · 9 months ago

Face it ladies, men are pigs and have no control of most anything. That is unless they have had the opportunity to give their lives to Christ. Being a child of God brings responsibilities that include the care and respect for all women. God made all of you beautiful in many ways so that men would be attracted to you for procreation. Those who don't know God, have a tendency to go overboard. In God's Grace John

mvivas · 9 months ago

All men are pigs? Really? Cause last time I checked, we were made in the image of God and reveal his handiwork in us. We are sinners, and we are enticed by beauty, but that is far from being labeled a pig. God created that appreciation for beauty, it was God's design. Yes, we have perverted God's design, but I would never say that we are "pigs". Oh and just so you know, I know some very respectful unbelievers, and sad to say, some very disrespectful beleivers. We are all ducks swimming in the same pond.

Tony Scialdone · 9 months ago

Mary: respectfully, your perspective seems painfully naive. Here's why:

Instead of saying "They're right: showing off my body WILL get more sexual attention from men, and not just the creepy ones", you said "That's not the way it's supposed to be". You seem to be rejecting good advice on the basis that such advice should be unnecessary. I agree that it should be unnecessary...but that's not reality. We live in a fallen world full of fallen men and women, and that's not going to change until all is redeemed.

We all understand the reality: show off your body, intentionally or not, and men will pay attention. Not just creepy men, but MOST men. Watch prime-time television or Sunday sports with a child and it becomes painfully obvious. There's a reason commercials are filled with sexual imagery in the form of semi-nudity. Guys don't go to Hooters for the beer and wings alone. Look around your church the next time a woman with a loose blouse bends over to get something out of her purse...heads tend to swivel. This is neither right nor ideal, but it is a reality. If this weren't true, pornography wouldn't be a multi-billion dollar industry. If this weren't true, Omaha would be a spring break destination instead of Fort Lauderdale.

The commercial was right. Whether it's ideal or not, dressing modestly WILL protect you - to some degree - from the prying eyes of men. Most guys look forward to spring and summer because everybody dresses less when it's warm. If the ONLY reason that a woman has to dress modestly is that it attracts less sexual attention from men, I'd say that one reason is good enough.

You wrote "It's my responsibility to dress modestly so that creepy men won't try to ply me with their advances?". To that I answer - categorically - that men CAN and SHOULD control themselves. The amount of clothing you wear has no bearing on a man's moral responsibility. HOWEVER: there is absolutely, positively, unequivically NO DOUBT that a woman is better-insulated against leering men when dressed then when undressed. Want to avoid being seen as a sexual object? Avoid dressing in ways that your society considers sexually inviting.

You and I know this, but don't like it...which is another argument altogether.

sam30 · 9 months ago

Great post.

I find it frustrating that some women dress in a way that makes guys want to stare at them and, uh, "get to know them", and then complain that guys are sleazy and only want sex. I've talked to girls about the mind of a male and they had absolutely no idea that guys were wired as such.

Now of course I'm not saying that women ask for abuse or unwanted advances (it makes me ANGRY when guys think they can use women merely for sexual gratification), but I think that perhaps a lot of the time they're unaware of the messages they're sending in their clothing. When celebrities dress as they do (showing a lot of skin), they're selling their sexuality. And when I ask some people why what these people are wearing is cool,
I don't get an answer that would convince me that these people have thought the situation through.

Girls: Be wary of just wearing clothes because you think they are cool. Often times a man has designed them with the intention of exciting his mind with the thought of a woman in (or getting out of) them (dirty scumbags).

Guys: Let's be better than we're being, and not buy into the lie that having many sexual conquests makes us more manly than we feel. and let's not be afraid to pull each other up when we know a brother is objectifying women or treading on dangerous ground.

I hope this post doesn't come across as self-righteous or know-it-all. Believe me, I struggle with lust. It sucks.

PMDubuc · 9 months ago

Well said. To think that the way we dress doesn't send a message or that it sends only messages that we want it to is a bit naive, to say the least. The fashion and advertising industries certainly know better. It strikes me that immodestly dressed women also protect themselves from modest men who "get the message" (intended or not) and avoid or feel uncomfortable around such women. When they do this they are acting responsibly. The responsibility is shared by both women and men (in different ways).

kaitlyn · 9 months ago

When I first read this post, I disagreed with the author. I feel it is my responsibility to not be a stumbling block to other men. However, when I checked out that "modesty survey" my blood began to boil. Well, just put me in a long skirt and a baggy t shirt and stick me in a corner. On that survey, there are objections to everything from bikinis (which I agree with) to shorts over a one-piece bathing suit. Men, take some darn responsibility for your own thoughts and actions. Take responsibility for your own lust. Get your head away from "Look! She's tempting me! It's all her fault!" to "What kind of woman is she, and how does Christ see her?". Do not push it upon women to 'protect your eyes' because guess what-- I REFUSE to give up my sense of self so that you can maintain some false sense of purity. I will expect, that with my very sincere efforts to be modest, you can control your burning desires to an extent. Ah, I am so angry. I understand the rant Mary!

sam30 · 9 months ago

I can really understand your anger. Men don't have a good track record.
While I do think women (and men for that matter) need to be wary of that they wear, there comes a point where it's just ridiculous. Women need to b able to express themselves.

thestarsarnight · 9 months ago

I looked at this survey myself. I think you might have mis-read the statements. The majority of men found one-pice with shorts Modest, not Immodest. I got to tripped up on that myself because the statements switch from "___ is immodest" and "______ is modest.

I say this because while I agree in principle with the rant, it must be balanced with the scripture that calls on the Christian community to not be stumbling blocks. I Corinthians 8 is pretty explicit about the responsibility on the part of the "stronger" Christian to refrain from using his or her liberty when it is likely to make a brother or sister stumble.

It must go both ways - the "weaker" Christian must grow in knowledge and grow in restraint, and the "stronger" Christian must not flaunt his freedom in Christ. So, men (and ministries discipling men), Grow up already! Women, be wise about the impact your body has on men.

mrben · 9 months ago

It's difficult to know where to start with this one. I'll try and make my points as clearly as possible:

1. In a community of faith, we are called to be responsible in the way that we act, in order to not lead another to sin. If I told you that I didn't want you to, say, open a bottle of wine at a meal with an alcoholic present, I don't think you'd object too strongly. Lust, pornographic and masturbation are _massive_ issues within the church today, even before we hit the issue of sex itself. Dressing modestly (and I'm not talking burkhas here - making sure that you're not showing your underwear would be a start) is a way of helping.

2. Women and men are physiologically different when it comes to sex (big surprise!) Men's base level of sexual attraction is sight, women's is touch. (That's not to say that men don't get turned on by touch or women by sight, just that these are the basics) A lot of women I have talked to just don't understand the effect that they have on men with the way that they dress. That's not apportioning blame - just a fact that needs to be recognised.

3. The Bible has a fair bit to say on dressing modestly, and surely that should be our yardstick?

4. There are a number of cases of men who attend churches because they are sexual predators, and know that they will, in many cases, find women who are a) single, b) naive. Again - this is not the fault of the woman, but it doesn't hurt to be wise - we don't walk down the street with money paper-clipped to the outside of our clothes....

OK - I'm braced for the impact - let the flames begin :)

C. Smith · 9 months ago

Yeah, I can see your point about arguing modesty as 'protection' is overstated.
That said, a positive view of modesty in dress, speech, and action is becoming to all ages and both genders.

Marc · 9 months ago

It may not provide protection but the fact remains: a woman scantily dressed is more of a target than one wearing a ski-suit looking like the Michelin-man,...woman,...person you know what I mean.

dons · 9 months ago

I'm on Mary's side, partially, but I could also provide "a short rant" on the stumbling blocks provided by so many women (including Christian women) by the way they dress. I especially fear springtime, when warmer weather leads to the progressive shedding of layers of clothing. Perhaps these dear ladies don't know what they're doing or, even worse, they do.

Again, does this negate a man's responsibility (with God's help) to keep his hormones in check? Absolutely not! But the more we realize it's a two-way street, the more we will all be considerate of one another in such matters.

mvivas · 9 months ago

I agree that unless you are a man, you will never understand that we are enticed by what we see. Even man, who have given their life to Christ (like I have) struggle when they see beauty. Now, I do have to say, that it doesn't say that we will act on such beauty, but we struggle with it. I don't put the blame on woman for that, as much as I don't put the blame on man. I feel like all we do is try to blame others for our faults and/or mistakes. We are back to the blaming game of Adam and Eve. It's time that we take responsibility for our actions, as believers. Now, for unbelievers, I can't respond. They will do anything that it is in their nature to do.

I also must add that Christ "raised" the bar when he said that if we even look at a woman lustfully we have already committed adultery. Can woman help us avoid such behavior? Yes, but I wouldn't put complete blame on them. A little modesty wouldn't hurt though, both man and woman.

Drew · 9 months ago

At times, the posts go from one extreme to the next. There is a responsibility on both sides in this matter. Yes, men are more visually stimulated than women (i.e.: look at the sales of Playboy to Playgirl) but that is not an excuse to act a certain way. The Lord did not create men with this driving force that can't be controlled...that would be setting us up for failure and that is not what the Lord does. Men use the way women dress as an excuse. Women are not asking to be raped or harassed if they dress provocatively. But, there is a true difference between dressing modestly and wearing the sultriest cloths you can buy.

Doug · 9 months ago

As a side note, I would like to commend the commenters here. We don't all have complete agreement here, but the tone has been quite respectful.

Jessica Denise · 9 months ago

I am going to disagree with you on this one. I think that God calls us to purity and holiness and the like for our protection in many ways. It may not dissuade super weird creeper men, but being immodest does attract the wrong kind of man. It's not to say that men can't control themselves. I don't believe that was stated implicity or explicity. I do believe that if I walk down the street with my boobs hanging out, men who are interested in girls who are more loose with their sexuality (which that will imply most of the time) are going to be more likely to talk to me. Dressing modestly can definitely protect women from men who aren't interested in controlling themselves the way that we assume most Christian men are.

Drew · 9 months ago

See this a perfect example of the extremes. We go from modesty to boobs hanging out...and women know this better than anyone, sometimes no matter what you wear, breasts can't be hidden. Does dressing modestly mean women should always wear a sweatshirt that is three sizes to large because they have breasts that a are a bit larger; or wear pants that are baggy so the shape of there butt can't be seen? As a man that is married to a wife that had trouble hiding some of those things that I love about her, I will say no! I dont want my wife walking down the street with her breasts hanging out, but I want her to feel good about what she wears...and that is cloths that fit!

mrben · 9 months ago

I think, for me at least, dressing modestly doesn't mean wearing a sack. It means wearing clothes that cover your body appropriately. In this day and age, that means going against some of the current trends - no low-cut trousers combined with high-rise g-string; no tops that show off half your belly (and often lower with the aforementioned low-rise trousers); avoid tops that are so loose that bending over means that men can see all the way from your neck to your navel. It doesn't mean you can't look attractive, or that you have to look somehow androgynous. Nor does it mean that you can't wear clothes that outline your figure. But there's a big difference between outlining your figure and being half-naked.

kjml · 9 months ago

I'm a woman. I like to dress attractively. That generally means that I like to emphasize those aspects of my appearance that are considered--by men and women--to be "attractive". Duh. But, I also acknowledge that men are human and while many--such as those who have posted here--are trying very hard to accept responsibility for their own lusts and temptations, there are others who cannot, or will not, do so. That's just a fact of life and I take that into consideration when I make my wardrobe choices.
Mary, the bottom line is that, when God speaks in your life, he's talking to YOU. Not to "the other guy." You are only in control of, and responsible for, YOUR choices. It is Your responsiblity to not [knowingly] present yourself as a stumbling block --whether to believers, or unbelievers.
Is that "fair?" Heck, no. Who said it should, or would, be? Was Jesus being crucified for being what he was created and born to be, fair? God has His own agenda and, as Christians, it is more our responsibility to bring about fairness in the world, than to expect it for ourselves.
There's nothing wrong with reminding the male of the species that they are called to be responsible for, and in control of, their own choices (rather than dictating to women how they should behave), but I hope you're not preaching that sermon in a string bikini and 4" heels. 'Cause God might have something to say to you about that someday.

vmrhill19 · 9 months ago

I don't fully agree. I know it's not full proof to dress modestly but modest dress is not an allure like some of the clothes women wear. Perhaps this is what the lady on the radio was talking about.

From a man's point of view.

Gary

romayn · 9 months ago

What difference does it make if some men can or cannot control themselves? The fact is they don't. The Bible says men's hearts are full of only evil continually. God's only desire for us is to love us and fellowship with us. Therefore, He would only tell us to dress modestly if it mattered. To either protect us, those around us (remember lust alone is sin-how many men who would never physically hurt a woman would lust after her even if only briefly) or to honor him. Remember he has called us to be beyond reproach and avoid even the appearance of evil. Lots of unrighteous men assume wrong things about women solely based on the way they adorn themselves. How many of us who are Christian have to ask the Lord for assistance in controling our own desires even though we would not consider putting them into action. Did the women on the radio specify what alterior motives they were specifically speaking of? Could they have been refering to enticement rather than physical attacks? It is God who holds us to a higher standard. Wherever we go (or are) Christ is also there. As long as we know that the way we are dressed would not make us feel uncomfortable infront of Him then He knows are heart.

Heather · 9 months ago

I think some of your points are valid-- but I think you may have missed the point- I don't know your age but I am just a few years short of fifty. I believe that God's original intent was for man to be a protector of women-- that is in his nature and is his role one that has been extremely perverted as a result of the fall. Also, few women grasp the huge difference in the way men and women process visual stimuli- they literally have a visual rolodex that can be very easily called up and cause a thought process that can lead to lust. When we dress immodestly we are stepping out from protection-- even if it is being protected from being in a seemingly perfectly well behaved man's lustful thoughts.
Certainly it is honoring to God if we dress modestly and honoring to ourselves-- who wants to be judged simply by level of sexiness.

ally · 9 months ago

the night i was raped, i was wearing sweats and a sweatshirt. i'm not sure i could've covered up any more than that... and yet it still happened. it's too bad that some people truly do believe that ignorance is bliss.

Cortney · 9 months ago

Thank you Ally! The night my best friend tried to rape me I was wearing a floor length skirt and a long sleeved shirt. I was then a member of a very conservative church. I never wore makeup, always wore skirts, and never had sleeves shorter than elbow length.

And we've all had the experience of wearing sweats and a huge baggy t-shirt and having some nasty guy leer at you, whistle at you, etc. I can get behind not dressing immodestly to honor yourself, but please let's not trick girls into thinking dressing modestly is some magic bullet against perverts

Andy S · 9 months ago

I believe that men can control themselves not to steal my car, too, but I still lock it because some won't. That doesn't reflect badly on "men" as a whole does it?

It's a fine line and you're only looking at one side. On the other, young girls dressed up to attract attention (immodestly) will get that attention.

SiarlysJenkins · 8 months ago

I recall a woman making a similar comparison. She said something about young women assuming "I should be able to get drunk and go up to a boy's room and pass out, and nothing should happen to me." The woman recounting this philosophy responded "Oh really? And when you drive into New York City, do you leave your car keys on the hood ornament?" We are all called upon for a certain amount of common sense. But there is a huge difference between passing out drunk in a bedroom in a house full of drunk males, and choosing clothes to wear for the day. I don't recall anyone saying that in order not to present a temptation for bad men to steal your car, you should keep it parked under a tent so they won't see its gleaming paint job, and therefore nobody would think of stealing it.

romayn · 8 months ago

That's true but we are taught to not leave things of value in plain view where a thieving type would look through the window and be tempted to steal. It's kinda like a theif who chooses to break into the home on the block that looks most easy to break into. We can sometimes avoid being robbed just by appearing to have a more secure home. The theif is still a theif of course and that is not the innocent home owners fault but why not take a little extra precaution to protect "God's home".

SiarlysJenkins · 8 months ago

Ally and Cortney have answered that more poignantly than I could ever do.

Art Mealer · 8 months ago

Of course, the scriptures bear some relevance to the topic. I think the distraction is in us trying to guess WHY God tells us what He tells us, not THAT He tells us to do something. Or, is there an objection to what scripture says as well? God's word strikes a different chord from that of our current culture.

"In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array; But (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. I Tim 2:9,10

"Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. -I Pet 3:3,4

Human beings, men and women, are wonderfully made in God's own image, and are inherently beautiful. Especially when they let His image be renewed within through the new birth and ongoing discipleship. Maybe God wants us to look WAY more beautiful than our current fashions and designers are capable of imagining. Maybe He wants us to look ugly. But He says what He says.

SiarlysJenkins · 8 months ago

That's what Paul and Peter said. Successive church councils may have agreed to put it into the Bible, but its not on the same plane as "Thus saith the Lord..." or "Then God said unto Abraham..." or "And God told Moses..." nor on the same plane as the red lettered text in the New Testament, which is (we hope) a reasonable approximation of the words of Jesus himself. Paul and Peter had to deal with pagans who were never Jews, with former temple prostitutes of Diana, and all kinds of things. We have little context for what they really intended when they offered these admonitions.

romayn · 8 months ago

Is it possible that a perfect infallable God would have us recieve in His word what he intended and that man's input was inspired by Him alone? Regardless of the disciples' intention God allows us to read the scriptures for ourselves and speak to us directly doesn't He? God presented Himself in His glory to the Israelites in the temple. We are now his temple. He was extremely particular about the building, adornment, etc of the temple. Why not our bodies?
(I think rape and our dress are just 2 and too seperate issues that we sometimes try to tie together becuase we think of this act of violence as sex).

SiarlysJenkins · 8 months ago

A perfectly infallible God could do anything he chose to do. But do we know exactly what he DID choose to do, or why? I don't. I once heard a radio personality exclaim that if any word in any printed copy of the Bible were not exactly what God wanted it to be, he would have supernaturally changed it. The problem with that is that there ARE many different translations which say substantially different things. We each read the Scriptures, and come to radically different conclusions. I once met some Jehovah's Witnesses on the street, and courteously explained there are some features in their publications I appreciate, others I do not share. A woman asked me "But, do you read the Bible?" Of course, I answered, but all churches read the Bible, and look at how different they all are. Somewhere in there is what God wants us to understand, no question. But none of us have a very complete understanding.

romayn · 8 months ago

That reminds me of what my pastor said this Sunday (different topic). We might not know "why" but we know "who" and that is what matters.

charles · 8 months ago

i dont care who you are if your a man you will all have a ploblem with seeing the naked flesh of a woman with out your mind running to all sorts of conclusions about what lurks benith the rest, the more we can see the more suggestive it is to us and the more wild our minds will run. We as men all deal with this problem on a day to day basis, We are all sexual preadotors in some form, Yes when i see a woman in a burka this leaves nothing for my mind to play on, only the beauty of her eyes so the mind play is reduced almost to zero but give me a babe in a bikini and my mind goes wild. We as a society have been largley driven by the large media advertising companies SEX SELLS is the motto and all this photographic imagery plastered in every nook and cranny just fuels the mans desire to get some(so to say).
Now im not making any excuse but the responsibilty lies in both sexes women to realise how men think and work, and men to respect women as humans and not sexual objects

SiarlysJenkins · 8 months ago

From the comments posted here, one could get the impression that men who act like pigs, are prone to rape, and have little respect for women, feel an affinity for churches with conservative, fundamentalist doctrines. It would be unfair to suggest that all members of any church are alike. But perhaps men who cannot bring themselves to show respect for a lady find comfort in the doctrine of Original Sin. They can say "It's not my fault, Adam did it, its part of my nature, I just can't control myself," rather than taking responsibility for their own actions. Somehow, I don't think that is what Jesus had in mind when he spoke of forgiveness.

Andy · 8 months ago

Your Muslim comparison is right on. They use the exact same logic. "Modesty" protects women from ravenous males.

On a related note, I once heard modesty compared to the Israelite tabernacle/temple, in that the sacred things inside the Tabernacle were kept concealed and hidden from all but a few.

Dylan · 8 months ago

This post, for the win! Modesty is, indeed, not a protection against creepy men. My mother was nearly raped despite being a modestly dressed woman at all times (this happened before I was born, but from the way she dresses now and what I've seen in pictures, I'm positive she was never a woman for ostentatious show.).
I have been approached by creeps no matter what I happened to be wearing, and I am generally covered in eleventy million layers, in order to disguise my very womanly figure (I sometimes border on looking like a round boy to escape unwanted attention. However, I cannot control the fact that my hips do sway when I walk. I'm sorry -- it's how I was designed. What was it Jessica Rabbit said? "I don't /want/ to look like this -- it's how I was drawn." Something like that. It seems to me that Christians spend too much time blaming women for how they were drawn by God. Certainly, we shouldn't go out of our way to lure a man's lustful attentions, but how far do we go to prevent their lustful thoughts? Seriously, when is a man ever responsible for himself? Cannot a man go, "She's attractive" without then directing pornographic videos in his mind about what else he'd like to see?

Jesus didn't tell us not to admire beauty. He just said stop looking with lust on the brain. In other words, "Man, con/trol/ yourself. Are you really that incapable of controlling your own mind?"

The scary thing is, I've been fighting with myself over femininity for so long because I've been told too often that I'm not the standard for Christian, feminine beauty. And yet when I try, I get too much unwelcome attention for it.